A Trip to Falls Chance Ranch

Title: A Trip to Falls Chance Ranch or What Happens when Rolf gets Over Worked ;-)
Author: Rolf
Written for the Tea Room 2011 Jan/Feb Three Minute Story Challenge

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"Are we there yet?"

The driver resisted the urge to remove his hands from ten and two and strangle his partner. It wasn't because his blood pressure and overall health wouldn't benefit from strangling his partner, but because driving required two hands on the wheel at all times and eyes focused on the road. He was saved from repeating himself for the thirteenth (thirtieth if he was being honest with himself) time by the sight of the barn as they crested the hill.

"Is that it??!" his partner asked excitedly, getting pulled back into his seat by the retracting seat belt.

" Considering we're in the middle of nowhere Wyoming and there's a barn with cars parked far and wide and no rodeo going on in the next pasture….yes."

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…." His partner was bouncing in the seat as his eyes scanned the area, looking for those eye catching Stetsons. "I don't SEE anyone! I TOLD you you were driving too slow!"

The driver slowly shut his mouth, swallowing the initial, shocked reaction to that comment, his brat obviously suffering short term memory loss brought about by no sleep the night before, at least no sleep until the alarm went off at six am and suddenly an atomic bomb would have gone by unnoticed by his slumbering brat. He pulled into a parking place, barely getting his hand off the wheel and onto the seatbelt just released by his partner with the door half open before the truck went silent.

"What? Come ON, we're LATE!"

"Listen to me. You are to stay RIGHT with me, and I mean, right with me. No wandering off. Is that clear?"

"Yes, OKAY, right with you! Let's go!"

The driver got out of the car, wondering not for the first time whether or not they made leashes for older brats, not just dogs and small children. He'd even consider buying one with a backpack animal if it meant his partner would always remain within easy reach. He snagged his partner's hand and headed towards the door, wondering when they got close how they'd get in around a massive black guy. 

"Bear," his partner remarked quietly in awe.

"That's not nice," the older man hissed as the big guy broke into a massive grin, stepping aside to let them in.

"That's his name, silly."

"Name? That's not a name. Where's the coffee?" he asked, seeing a side table set up with drinks on it.

"There won't BE coffee. It's water or juice, or hot tea if you're desperate.  They don't do caffeine."

"You have GOT to be kidding me."

"Nope," the brat replied, looking rapidly around the room. "I've never seen so many Stetsons….. LOOK! There's Flynn. And that has to be Jasper. Wait.  There's another Jasper. And twin … Rileys?"

"This is a convention. People like to dress up like the characters, hon.  Now….if star trek fans are called trekkies….are these people called…falsies?"

"OH my GAWD, I can't believe you just said that! Falsies are what…what…ew. I can't even TALK about that. Come on, we need to look around. And be a TOP for goodness sakes and don't come up with awful things like that. It's against the rules."

The two men wandered around, dodging Stetsons and cowboy boots left and right.  He younger man kept having to close his mouth as he wandered around, seeing in plain sight so much of what was talked about in the books he devoured online.  His partner didn't read them but didn't really need to. There was no mistaking when a new chapter was released as it was all the younger man could talk about for days on end. He not only got the highlights, lowlights and punctuation of the chapter, he also got to hear all the comments that the group members made about the chapter as well.

"Let's stand in line at this table."

"Whhhhyyy? They aren't the ranch people!" the younger man complained.

"You'll see." They waited in line for twenty minutes before they were close enough to really see what was going on.

"Who IS that?"

"It's the authors, Rolf and Ranger," the older man replied.

"How do you know? You've never seen them before?" And that isn't what I was picturing. What…You….YOU ARE SO NOT FUNNY," the younger man said indignantly to his partner.

His partner smiled and turned to accept the signed copy that Rolf handed to him after Ranger had signed as well. "Thank you, both, very much. This is the perfect memento of this Falls Chance Ranch convention." He turned back to his partner, and grinning evilly, showed him the signed Lexan paddle.

The End

Copyright Rolf 2011

A Man Walked Into a Bar

Title: A Man Walked into a Bar

Author: Rolf

Written for the Tea Room Jan/Feb Three-Minute Story Challenge

The chair being pulled away from the table wasn't a loud sound by any means, but to Matthew who was standing in the corner, it grated on the nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.
 
"Come here."
 
Matthew's stomach, which had been making several attempts to exit it's usual home in the midsection via the mouth, promptly changed it's mind and headed directly south.  It made an almost audible plop on the floor and Matthew would swear that's what he tripped over when he turned from the corner.
 
Rolf waited patiently, no more interested in this conversation than Matthew was, but knowing it needed to happen.  He could see the weight on Matthew's shoulders and the unhappiness etched upon his face.  He could hear the short, sharp breaths Matthew was taking, see the tenseness across his partner's shoulders.  He waited until Matthew was standing in front of him, shifting his weight from side to side in nervous anticipation.
 
"I have just one question.  Why?"
 
To the uninitiated, that would be a simple question.  But asked in that Tone, and the fact the question was one word, said volumes to Matthew.  The tears started.
 
"It was supposed to be a joke."
 
"A man walked into a bar is a joke.  This went a little beyond."
 
Matthew sadly nodded yes.
 
Knowing Matthew had meant it as such, and that he'd already had a blistering lecture from Eric meant that there wasn't much reason to delay any longer.
 
"Get the paddle."
 
"Roooooolllffff," Matthew trailed off miserably.
 
As cute and as miserable as Matthew could look still didn't change Rolf's mind.  "Go on."
 
Matthew regarded the paddle as one of the more evil of instruments of correction.  Rolf appreciated it a little more, as it could make quick work in certain situations, and saved his hand from the punishing blows.
 
Matthew's breathing was coming in quick gasps as he tried to handle the flood of emotion.  He brought the paddle back to Rolf and quickly handed it over, looking as penitent as he possible could.  It didn't help, as Rolf's hand's quickly undid the button on his jeans, pushing them and his underwear straight down to his ankles, far lower than Matthew thought was stricly necessary.
 
Bending across Rolf's lap took a lot of courage, knowing what was in store.  He never remembered exactly how much shame and embarrasment there was in doing so, nor the extremely vulnerable feeling it left in the pit of his stomach.  The ceiling fan's very slow breeze felt like ice across his bare bottom as he tried to gain purchase on the floor with either feet or hands.  
 
Rolf tipped Matthew forward, seeing the goosepimples form upon his target area as he got Matthew into position.  He picked the paddle up from the table where he had placed it and laid it softly down on the still white flesh.  He was ready for Matthew's immediate jerk and look around, knowing he always tried one last time to change his mind.
 
"Rolf, please nooooooooooo.  Pleeeeeaaaaasssssse!" 
 
Rolf pulled the paddle away and snapped it sharply down, one on each side and quick third right in the middle.  It took Matthew until the third for everything to register and for the lump of tears and guilt stuck in his throat to move out in one big rush so he could inhale enough air for the yelp to come out on the next breath.  His body moved without conscious permission and without regard to what Rolf might think of him.  All he knew was he wanted to get up and away from that punishing paddle but no matter how hard he tried he didn't move an inch.
 
Rolf paddled his partner firmly, letting Matthew tell him through body language and skin color that the proper message had been delivered.  Rolf helped Matthew upright when the worst of the tears had passed, balancing him on his lap, pants and underwear long since lost from bare feet.  When Matthew could hear again, Rolf set him on his feet and stood up to give him a crushing hug before pulling his chin up to gain eye contact.
 
"What are we not going to do again?"
 
"Get into Eric's ticket book," Matthew said firmly, sure at that moment he never wanted to set eyes on anything of Eric's ever again.
 
"And when you want to joke?"
 
".....A man went into a bar...."
 
Rolf kissed Matthew's salty lips firmly before turning him towards the sink.  "Good boy." 

Three-minute Fiction Challenge: Laughing and Crying

The challenge is to write original, short fiction that can be read in less than three minutes — that's no more than 600 words. At some point in your story, one character must tell a joke. And, one character must cry.

To be clear, the character who tells the joke can also be the character who cries, and the crying does not have to be in reference to the joke. Just at some point within your 600-word story, those two actions have to happen.

Take It! by Lou


The Chase by Lady Jodie

A Trip to Falls Chance by Rolf 

A Man Walked into a Bar by Rolf 

Three-minute Fiction Challenge: Laughing and Crying

Hello, the next challenge is based (stolen from) the NPR Three Minute Fiction Challenge.

I thought this challenge would be fun for the drabble page of the Tea Room.

The challenge is to write original, short fiction that can be read in less than three minutes — that's no more than 600 words. At some point in your story, one character must tell a joke. And, one character must cry.

To be clear, the character who tells the joke can also be the character who cries, and the crying does not have to be in reference to the joke. Just at some point within your 600-word story, those two actions have to happen